What If I Could Never Say Goodbye
by xLizziexLupinx
Summary: After Remus looses his fiancee will he be able to get back on track?


**Hi everyone! So I had this plot bunny come and visit me again and told me I wasn't allowed to do any other fic but this one and so it gave me writers block for my others...isn't that mean? I thought so. Anyway so this story may not make sense 100% so I'll give you a few pointers so hopefully you don't get confused. If you do get confused however, just put it in a review or message me and I'll do my best to sort out the problem. This will be a two chapter fic; it was going to be one but I thought that may run on for too long; this was 13 pages on word after all. **

**Cassie is Sirius' younger sister. She's a year younger than Regulas. She had her daughter at the age of eighteen after being a subject of rape. (Nasty evil Slytherin). She and Remus were in a relationship for just under a year before he broke up with her (Moony was in 7th year) and after that they were on and off untill after Cassie got pregnant and Remus decided he wasn't going to let her go again (Isn't that cute!) I can't think of anything else really but like I said ask me if your confused about something. **

**Disclaimer: I own Cassie, Emily and Kat but sadly no one else. I would have owned HP but I lost a bet with JK :(**

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><p><strong>Wednesday 23<strong>**rd**** September 1981 **

**00:13 am**

Sky blue eyes starred up at the dark, blank ceiling watching as the orange headlights of a car passed his curtain-less window and made shadows appear above them. The eyes were filled with confusion and concern as Remus' mind sped furiously through thoughts and feelings. He knew something was going to happen and that that something wasn't going to be good. He had had the feeling for a few days now and could feel it building up in him, like a volcano ready to erupt. He sighed heavily, his eyes still fixed on the ceiling not knowing what he could do to make the feeling go away. Remus knew it was a warning; he always got this feeling when something bad was going to happen but he hoped he could just forget about it and let it sink back into the depths of his packed mind. Nothing too bad could happen could it? Remus hoped and prayed that nothing would happen to his family. He hoped that Cassie, Emily, Sirius, James, Peter, Lily and Harry were all fine and that they would stay fine. Remus didn't know what he'd if something happened to them, especially Cassie.

He had wanted his fiancée to come and move in with him with little Emily too so he could look after them both, but Cassie being the stubborn Black that she was had said that they would be fine at home. It seemed though that she was having her own worrying thoughts and had sent Emily to stay with Kathryn, her Godmother for a few days. After Remus had found this out he had known that something was wrong. He knew that Cassie would never let her daughter out of her sight in any normal circumstances, but now...now wasn't a normal circumstance. There was a heavy feeling in the air. One that filled everyone with dread and terror because...no one knew what was going to happen, they didn't know if they were going to survive to see another day or if they'd see the end of the war; if there ever was one.

Remus tried to sleep but every time he closed his eyes his mind kept wandering to the possibilities that something would happen to the girl he loved. He knew this was the wrong way to think; he was sure if he kept thinking these things then they would actually happen; now _that_ scared the shit out of him and he opened his eyes quickly so it wouldn't happen, because he didn't know what he would do without Cassie there. They had had a pretty hectic ride together but they had finally come out for the better at the end. After the many turned down proposals, she had finally said yes to him and Remus couldn't think of anything happier than the thought that they would soon be married. He turned over to face the window, staring at the light from a nearby streetlight and wondering if it would be stupid to Floo Cassie to see if she was alright. It was past midnight after all and after the other times he had Flooed her after midnight he had gotten an earful.

The thought of this made him smile briefly. The once shy, closed girl had become loud and full of opinion and that was one of the things he loved about her the most; the fact that she could say what was on her mind so freely and not care what other people said about her. It had been so much different once upon a time and he wondered when the change had taken place. She had altered so much and Remus was proud of her. After everything she had gone through she had come out the stronger person. That still didn't mean that he couldn't worry about her though. She had become too much like Sirius in the way that she liked adventure. The two siblings had become so alike it was unbelievable and Remus often worried about her safety. On many occasions Sirius had come extremely close to getting himself killed by going on Order missions that were far too advanced for him and Remus was worried that Cassie would start that too. He knew her only drawback was her daughter and as long as little Emily was still in the picture, Cassie would stay the responsible parent and look after her daughter at any cost. Remus was sure that if Emily had not been born, Cassie would be in a totally different picture then she was now. She would separate herself completely from everyone else and do what she felt would help with fighting Voldemort.

It didn't matter how hard he tried not to think about it, the thought that something was going to happen just kept coming back. This worried him more than anything to the point that he was actually scared for all his friends, his Goddaughter and his Fiancée. He wished he could protect them properly. He wished they could all be a proper family and that none of them were in danger. Remus knew that wish wouldn't come true yet though and as he drifted off into an uneasy sleep he could feel Death coming closer to one of them...

**10:29 am**

Being the extremely paranoid werewolf he was, Remus had Flooed Sirius and James to see if they had heard anything from Cassie. He knew she liked to keep from contacting people as little as possible and so would check with everyone else before he went to see if she was alright himself. Sirius had looked worried when Remus told him he had heard nothing from Cassie since Sunday and Remus had to stop him from going to check on her himself. The same happened with James and Lily and Remus realised that they all cared about the nineteen year old more than he thought they did. It was common knowledge that everyone had been on uneven grounds with everyone else for a while, especially Cassie and Sirius. He had had to listen and comfort her many a time when she thought that her oldest brother didn't care about her as much as he used to. Remus had to keep reminding her that he did care about her a lot, that they all did but knew it would take a lot to convince her.

Finally after pacing his living room floor for around twenty minutes and successfully wearing away the wooden floor, Remus had decided he would go over to Cassie to check if she was alright. She had banned him from going to see her unless it was an absolute emergency and knew she probably wouldn't be one hundred percent happy with him for dropping by, but Remus knew he had to. So knowing she would fret about him using the Floo network to visit her, he apperated to just outside the small two bedroomed cottage she lived in. The front door was a bright red colour and the small front garden was decorated in early autumn flowers. Smiling at the sight, Remus made his way up to the door and knocked on the wood in the way they had designed so they knew it was each other. With this in mind he still heard his fiancée ask who it was. When he had finally answered the third question she had given him (out of safety measures) correctly he saw the door open and Cassie standing in the doorway looking as beautiful as she always did. They had embraced for quite a while before she had invited him in, not looking angry at all. On the contrary she seemed quite relieved to see him.

Remus knew, after around fifteen minutes that something was wrong. Although he could see her trying her hardest to act normal there was something not right. As they sat down in the small but cosy living room, both nursing a mug of tea, Remus knew it was the right time to ask questions. He had seen how uncomfortable she was and if he watched closely he could see her hands shaking as she held her mug.

''Cass honey...what's wrong?'' He asked, concern and worry filling up inside him once again, threatening to erupt once more. He could see her trying to avoid his gaze and her mind working extremely hard to think up a good half convincing lie.

''Nothing's wrong Rem.'' He heard her say knowing that she was lying. Raising an eyebrow at her he sent across a silent 'is that the best you can do?' He heard her sigh and the clink of the mug as it was placed on the coffee table in front of them. ''Fine...last night...there were four murders just down the road. No signs of harm on the bodies so obviously it was Death Eaters...''

Remus felt his stomach lurch at this piece of information. Death Eaters had only been down the road? Shit! Remus placed his mug down on the table and looked down at the floor for a moment. He knew she had her suspicions that she, like James Lily were being hunted down but this time by Bellatrix. Why Bellatrix wanted her kill her own cousin was beyond Remus but after all he had heard about the deranged women he wouldn't put anything past her. Looking back up he saw that Cassie had tears in her eyes, so he held out his hand for her to take. As she did he pulled her gently out of the armchair in which she was sat and next to him on the sofa. There he wrapped his arms around her and held her close to him.

As he felt her body shaking against his body and could hear that she was crying, he tried to sooth her and calm her down the best he could. Remus knew he wasn't the best at looking after people but he knew he always had a knack with Cassie; something she had told him herself. ''Shhh baby, it's going to be okay. They're not going to find you. I'll protect you, I promise.'' Remus knew she was scared...he was scared as well and knew he would try his hardest her keep her safe. He knew in that instant that he had to try and convince her to come home with him and stay there. He knew it would be hard but hopefully with her feeling like this she would agree with him. ''Come home with me baby, get Emmy as well and you can both move in. Please Cassie I just want to keep you safe...'' He felt her pull away from him and he looked into her tear-stained face. He knew by the look in her eyes that she wasn't going to go anywhere and Remus felt an urge of desperation. ''Cass ple-'' He started but got cut off as he felt her lips on his.

In his eyes she was the best kisser in the world and he knew that probably had to do something with her being Sirius' sister. After all these kind of things ran in the family. As they parted he realised that that had been her way to say sorry. ''I love you Rem.'' He heard her say as she kissed him again. ''I really really do but I can't leave at the moment. I need to be here, just in case my little girl wants to come back. We'll be fine, I promise.''

He wanted to believe her, he really did but something inside him was telling him that nothing would be fine. There was no telling her otherwise though and he knew he'd better give up. It was a terrible thing to do he knew, but there was nothing else he could do with the matter. He grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze. He didn't want to leave her either but knew she would never let him stay just in case Death Eaters did turn up. ''You...you have to Floo me tonight okay? Around six so I know you're okay.'' He said in a tone that read 'you'd better or else'. He didn't want to lose her and if she wouldn't let him stay or go home with him then he would just have to keep an eye out for her.

Feeling her squeeze his hand in return, Remus managed to let out a small reassuring smile as she promised that she would Floo him at around six to tell him she was okay. Remus had wanted her to appear in the fire every hour but knew he was being ridiculous. She could look after herself to an extent. She would be fine. Completely and utterly fine. But as he said his farewells and heard the front door behind him, deep down Remus knew that this was the last time he was going to see her.

**Thursday 24****th**** September 1981**

**6:47 am**

Remus knew something was wrong. He had woken up from a reoccurring nightmare, covered in sweat and breathing heavily. There was something about the air that seemed wrong and he tried to think of what could have happened. There was something missing, something that meant the world to him but as Remus went through every possibility he still couldn't work out what had happened. He lay there for a few moments clenching his hands through the thin blanket trying desperately to think of what could have happened. The early morning light from the window shone across his face and as he turned towards it he saw it was a beautiful cloudless morning. How could something possibly have gone wrong on a day like this? He knew though, under the sunny facade that hell had arrived and he was sure, even if it was only a little bit that it was his hell he was about to enter.

**8:01 am**

Breakfast had been a silent and dubious affair, Remus' mind working twice as hard to figure out what had happened. His next stop would be to see if everyone else was alright. He needed to make sure that they were all safe, but knew he would get shouted at if he called too early in the morning. He reached over to the side table and turned on the WWN, tuning it into the news.

'_...and the attacks in Little Wayford have been confirmed to be the works of Death Eaters. Names have been released...Karen Jackson, Harrison Jackson, Phoebe Jackson and Alison Jackson...reports show that un-named Death Eaters turned up again last night in the small village...'_

For a second Remus stopped breathing. He blocked out any other sound coming from the WWN and felt like he was going to faint. Bringing himself back to his senses, he rushed out of his chair sending his cup of tea crashing to the floor. He didn't care for the broken pieces of pot and hurried to get his shoes on. Fumbling with the laces he kept telling himself that she would be fine. Everything would be fine. Just because it was the same village didn't mean it was her did it? No of course not. Stepping on the broken cup multiple times, Remus apperated, wand in hand to exactly the same spot he had last time.

The street was quiet, even the sound of birds was absent. Hurrying down the pavement he came to her house and felt his stomach drop to the floor. The front door was hanging off its hinges, the paint scorched and the windows smashed. He couldn't move from his spot. He knew he had to but his feet seemed stuck to the ground. Part of him didn't want to go in there, too scared for what might be inside, but he knew he had to and so after a lot of effort, Remus walked up slowly to the open doorway not wanting to look inside, he however made himself and the sight almost made him stop in his tracks again.

Pictures and glass had been smashed on the floor, pieces of wood and ornaments were everywhere; it was like a bomb had hit the place. Daring himself to walk though the threshold, wand gripped tightly in his hand, Remus made his way into the hallway looking first into the kitchen. It seemed whoever had been here had desolated the whole house. It hardly looked like the beautiful tidy cottage he had entered yesterday. Remus stopped for a moment, trying to keep himself calm. He knew what he would find if he entered the living room. His heart began to rip into two and he could feel tears in his eyes. He had to keep strong though; it would do no good to break down now. Closing his eyes Remus took in a deep breath and holding it for a few seconds before letting it out slowly. His hands were shaking and as he opened his eyes again he could feel his knee's shaking as well. He was sure his weight wouldn't hold them if he carried on. '_I have to do this.' _He thought to himself. Preparing himself for what he was about to see, Remus turned on the spot slowly and faced the living room.

Nothing could have prepared him for what he saw now. There had been a struggle; that was obvious. A flower vase had been smashed near him and he saw the handful of torn lupines on the floor, avoid of water. His gaze finally (after what seemed like a decade) landed near the fireplace. A lump formed in his throat and his body shook more. First he saw a pale hand and moved his eyes up the body slowly until...he walked forward almost automatically, keeping his focus on her stone grey eyes. Finally as he reached her body, his knees gave way and Remus felt himself sink to the ground. A strangled sob emitted from his mouth as he reached for her hand. The skin was cold to touch but yet he still held it in his own. Squeezing it, he felt a tear run down his face. No. No he couldn't start now, he would never stop. He had to help her first. He had to get someone here...shit! He didn't know what to do! He had never been in this situation before..._'Get help' _

Help. He needed help. _She_ needed help. Damn it...he couldn't even say her name anymore. He put his head back and blinked away tears. He needed to send a patronus to the Ministry. Yes that was the best thing to do. Looking back down at Cass' frail looking body be bent down and kissed her softly on the lips. Putting down his wand he then closed her eyes, shutting away the lifeless colour in them. ''I love you.'' He managed to whisper without his voice breaking.

**9:17am**

Help had come in the form of Dumbledore and three Aurors. The whole thing had been a dubious affair, one that Remus had hated every minute of. He had had to tell them everything he had known and all information which would help them with finding out why this had happened. Deep down Remus knew why she had been killed and every time he thought of it, it brought him close to tears. He wouldn't allow himself to cry though; he just couldn't because right now he had to be strong for everyone else; Sirius, Emmy (especially those two), James, Lily and Kat. Remus really didn't know how he was going to tell them, it was going to be so hard. Dumbledore had offered to tell them for him but Remus knew he had to do it. He had to do it for Cassie, but Merlin it was going to be hard.

He had situated himself in the kitchen not being able to look at his dead fiancée any longer. The Aurors had covered over her body but the thought of lying under there not breathing made Remus feel sick. He had been rehearsing how he would break the news to everyone else and thought it would be better if they were all in the same place. He had no idea how any of them were going to react but knew it wouldn't be good. Remus had calmed himself down before he started to ask everyone to meet at his place knowing it wouldn't be good if he broke down in the middle of it. He had stayed strong enough for the time being and hopefully could carry that on until the deed of telling them the terrible news was over.

Finally after what seemed like hours he plucked up the courage to tell everyone. He had Flooed Sirius, James and Lily with Harry, Peter and Kat with Emily and had told them to meet him at his flat in ten minutes. He left without saying goodbye to Cassie because he just couldn't bring himself to be near her anymore. He apperated to his apartment, cleaned up the smashed cup from earlier before everyone else arriving mere minutes after he had. He let them all in seeing each worried and confused face and feeling his heart break a tiny bit more. How was he going to do this? How was he going to tell everyone that she was dead? Maybe he should have had Dumbledore do it instead.

As Kat arrived with Emily he took his Goddaughter from her arms and held her in his own. She snuggled down into his chest and Remus felt himself smile. No matter what happened he still had Emmy to cheer him up. He kissed the top of her forehead before sitting down with her in his armchair. Everyone else was assembled on the sofa to his left. It was then that Remus couldn't get his words out. He had several pairs of eyes on him and he just faltered under them all. He felt Emily wriggle out of his grasp and onto the floor where Harry was trying to climb onto the coffee table. Remus watched the two one year olds before gazing up to everyone else who were waiting patiently.

''Remus what happened?'' Lily asked kindly, giving him a little tip on where to start. Remus gave her a small smile that didn't reach his eyes before looking down to the floor. He took several deep breaths before starting to speak.

''Last night.'' He started making sure he didn't catch eye contact with anyone. ''Death Eaters turned up in Little Wayford again. I knew something was wrong, I've felt it for a couple of days and when I went to ch-check on Cassie...'' He felt the tears build up again, threatening to spill. He could feel the others stop breathing. ''Sh-she's gone...'' This made both Kat and Lily gasp. Remus dared to look up at the faces in front of him. Kat looked like she was on the verge of tears like he was; James was comforting Lily who had started crying. James himself looked like he didn't know what to say. Peter just sat there mouth open and Sirius...well Sirius looked like he was about to punch him. As Sirius rose, James did too ready to stop his best friend from doing something he would regret. Remus stood up as well, legs shaking slightly and the feeling of being sick coming back.

''You were meant to look after her.'' Sirius said his voice horse and his eyes dangerous. Remus could tell he was going to be more affected by Cassie's death than Regulas' but it would certainly be a close call. ''You promised me after you had proposed to her that you would keep her safe and always look after her.'' Remus saw tears in his eyes and felt a wave of sorrow going towards his best friend. He had lost both of his siblings now; something that Remus could never understand what it felt like.

Remus kept his gaze on Sirius, making sure if he did punch him then he would be ready for it. ''Sirius listen to me. I tried my best to get her to come home with me last night but she just refused. There was nothing I could do t-''

''YOU COULD HAVE STAYED WITH HER. YOU COULD HAVE SPENT THE NIGHT AND MADE SURE SHE WAS SAFE. YOU MESSED UP AND NOW SHE'S FUCKING DEAD. I HOPE YOU'RE FUCKING HAPPY REMUS!'' Sirius bellowed. Remus stood there feeling ashamed of himself. Yes he could have stayed with her but he had kept telling himself she would be alright. Why had he been so stupid? He hung his head not being able to look into Sirius' eyes anymore. They were full of disappointment and Remus understood perfectly why.

There was silence for a moment before a little voice could be heard. ''Pa'foo'' Remus looked over to see Emily toddle over to her uncle, worry in her face. Could a one year old even show worry? Looking over at Harry who had finally got onto the coffee table, he saw the same expression as on Emily's face. Okay one year olds could show worry. Well you learnt something new every day didn't you. Remus saw Sirius' anger melt away and watched as he picked up his niece and held her. ''its okay Emmy Bear, everything's going to be alright sweetie.'' Remus could tell Emily knew something was going on and as Sirius sat down with her still in his arms and snuggled up to his chest he could hear her start to cry. This broke his heart almost in half. He just watched as Sirius tried to comfort her knowing that it was completely his own fault that Emily had lost her mother. Harry had gone to snuggle up with Lily who was still crying.

''Who's going to look after her?'' he heard Kat ask and turned his attention to her. This had been in his mind since he had found out. He really wanted to look after her but with Lycanthropy he knew it would be too dangerous. Remus would never forgive himself if he ever hurt her even if it wasn't in his werewolf state. He could, after all be pretty rough sometimes. Everyone else's minds seemed to be thinking of an answer to the question. Quite frankly Remus thought Sirius would be great looking after his niece but knew he would say he wouldn't be a good guardian.

''Who would Cassie have wanted to look after her?'' Lily asked quietly

''Sirius-'' Remus said instantly but at the same time Sirius said...

''Remus-''

Both men looked at each other silently communicating with the other. Years of doing this at school had taught them to do it very well. Each felt that themselves would be rubbish for the job. Both wanted the absolute best for the little girl who was falling asleep in her uncle's arms and knew that they couldn't give it to her. That however wouldn't stop them from persuading each other that they would do a great job.

''Sirius your her uncle and she absolutely adores you. You could take care of her. Cassie out of all people would have wanted you to look after her. You wouldn't be lousy at it or rubbish so don't start all of that. '' Remus said as he saw Sirius open his mouth to argue.

Sirius sighed and held Emily tighter to him and looked down into her sleepy face. He would never be a good guardian for her. If he hadn't been able to look after his little sister then there was no way that he could look after his niece. He didn't want to take her in and then find that he couldn't look after her. He could never do that to her. ''Yes but Moony you're more of a father to her than anyone else has been. You've been there for her more, she knows you better. Being a werewolf doesn't stop you from looking after her. All you would have to do every full moon is drop her off at one of our houses to look after her. Come on Moons, you're the best man for the job.''

Remus knew he couldn't win against Sirius and thought of how much he would love to take care of her and watch her grow up. ''What...what about Kat? I mean she's looked after Emmy a lot more than any of us have.'' Remus thought suddenly. He looked over at the brunette witch who was watching Emily as she fell asleep. He knew that Kat cared a lot about her and to him she would be perfect.

''What? You th-think I'd be b-best for the job?'' Kat stuttered, completely shocked. Remus knew she would love to look after her. She was defiantly a natural mother even if she only looked after Emily for a couple of days every two weeks. He saw Sirius, James, Lily and Peter nod at this and saw Kat smile. ''I could try...''She said and Remus couldn't help but smile either. Emily would be perfectly fine with Kat and would defiantly be in a good home unlike with himself.

**5:48 pm**

Everything had been sorted. Kat was now Emily's official guardian with Sirius looking after her for a few hours on Wednesday and Remus on Saturday. Thankfully the top floor in Cassie's cottage hadn't been that desolated and they had managed to collect some essentials for the baby. Seeing as Cassie had only been nineteen when she had died, she hadn't made a will and so nothing would go towards Emily unfortunately. The body had been moved and would be taken care of. The estimated date for the funeral would be in about two weeks and after everyone had left Remus had finally broken down in floods of tears.

He had never felt so much emotion run through him as it did now. There was so much pain and guilt that it was over-taking his whole body. He had started crying as soon as he had closed the door on Sirius who had been the last to leave. He had made himself keep in the tears until that moment and now there would be nothing stopping him from letting it all out. At first he was angry with himself for letting it happen. Sirius had been right (although he had apologised for the outburst before he went). It had been his fault that she had died. If he hadn't of left her...but then they both would have probably been killed and the situation would have been much worse than it was now. He hated whoever had done it to her. He knew who it had been, he had just had this feeling but he hadn't told anyone else of it apart from Dumbledore. He had told him because it was the easiest option. Telling Sirius would have been disastrous as well as telling James. No he couldn't lose his two best friends, not after he had just lost his fiancée.

Taking a bottle out of the liquor cabinet, Remus had drunk it all trying to numb the pain. It was a different kind of pain to the one when he had to go through his transformations but it hurt just as much. He would never see her again and he just couldn't bare it. He had lost one of the most important people in his life and he didn't know what to do next. They had given him the ring she had had on her finger and he had held it in his hand for longer than he could remember. Apart from the photos, that was the only thing he had left of her. Yes he had Emily who he loved like his own daughter but Remus knew that one day he would no longer be able to look at her because she would resemble her mother too much. That was the sad truth about it and knew that was the reason why Sirius couldn't look after her too much either.

It was a terrible thing to do, leave a child because they looked too much like the one you loved and lost but Remus knew it would be better to do this than to drift apart from her in such a way that even her name would be hard for him to hear in the future. Right now though he had to be there for her.

**Saturday 2****nd**** November 1985 (Four years later)**

**6:59pm**

Remus pulled the covers over Emily making sure she was nice and warm. He smiled at her as he went and shut the curtains at her window, blocking out the night sky. Then sitting down in the chair by her bed he looked over at her sleepy figure. They had both had a very tiring day and the five year old was drifting off to sleep already. Remus brushed her long black hair out of her face and kissed her on the forehead. ''Love you Emmy.'' He said softly. As he got up to turn the light off he heard her call out to him.

''Moony? Can you tell me a story about Mummy?'' She asked innocently. Remus didn't turn around straight away. He just took a deep breath and before turning towards her, hiding the pain from his face. He had known she would ask about her mother sometime and had been waiting for this to prop up. He would have to ask Kat however if she had asked her the same thing.

Putting on a fake smile Remus made his way back over to her bed, ignoring the chair and sitting on the end of the mattress. ''Of course I can Emmy.'' Part of him had been telling him not to but he couldn't say no to her, he never could. She, like her mother had him wrapped around her little finger. Remus had found that he had comparing Emily to Cassie a lot and knew he should stop. It would do her no good to be told she was like her mother all the time. So he told her the first story that came to mind and one that was defiantly his happiest.

He told of how he had asked her out on a date and how he was surprised she had accepted. How Sirius and James had hid under the invisibility clock in The Three Broomsticks trying to make the date finish faster so that he would kiss her. Emily found this part highly funny and Remus had a suspicion that she had a bit of Marauders blood in her. He then said how he had kissed her as he walked her out to the castle and how he knew he loved her. His story seemed to satisfy the little girl and Remus smiled. ''And then she stood on the table in the middle of the party, called for everyone's attention and told the whole of Gryffindor that she loved me.'' He said. He saw Emily snuggle up with her stuffed dog (a present from Sirius for her first birthday. Remus had never had the heart to tell her where her uncle was now) and saw her eyes start to close.

''Moony do you still love Mummy?'' Emily asked.

''Yes sweetie I do. I still love her very much and I love you too.'' Remus found a lump form in his throat.

''Moony?'' Emily asked again. She was defiantly a girl full of questions. Remus chuckled at this.

''Yes sweetie?''

''Why didn't you save Mummy?''

Remus felt his heart break completely. This had been the one thing he had been afraid of, the one thing that he knew would break him into tiny pieces. He felt the sadness in her voice and wanted to cry. He took a deep breath in and leaned over to kiss her on the forehead again. ''Maybe I'll tell you when you're older. Night night Emmy.'' He said before getting off her bed, turning off the light and shutting the door without looking back at the five year old. He knew he had just said the worst thing possible, but there was no way he was going to tell her how much of a coward he was. She thought he was like a superhero and he wasn't going to take that away from her.

As he sat in his armchair with a book and a glass of alcohol on the table beside him, Remus knew this was it. She had asked the one question that he could never answer her and that make him feel terrible. He had let her down and he hated himself for that. It wasn't just with Cassie, it was all the times she had been scheduled to come round and it had either been the full moon or close to it. He felt that he would never do a good job at looking after her fully and didn't know why Kat still let him see her every Saturday. He had let her down by not realising what Sirius was and letting him do what he did. All she had was him and Kat but now...now Remus wasn't sure if he should even be in her life anymore. He had ruined it in his opinion and she would be so much better without him. A tear ran down his face and Remus knew he had to do it. For Emily to have a good life he had to get out of it completely.

**Sunday 3****rd**** November 1985**

**11:15am**

After telling Kat what he was thinking of doing he got an earful. He should have known that she wouldn't take it well, after all she had come extremely close to the little girl and Remus felt ashamed with himself. He still stuck with what he was going to do however and after telling her the whole thing knew it was for the best. He had said that he wouldn't be out of her life forever, just a lot less than he was now. Kat had called him a coward and after about half an hour of argument and forbid him from seeing her at all until he got himself sorted out and these thoughts out of his head.

He hadn't stayed long after that and had given Emily a quick goodbye. She seemed to know that he wasn't coming back for a long time and Remus couldn't take it anymore. He just apperated to his flat trying to forget about everything that had happened to him in the past four years. He had lost Cassie, James, Lily, Peter, Sirius and now Kat and Emily. He had no one left and it was his entire fault. He was the last Marauder left and he had no one to go to if he needed help. His eyes fixed on a picture of all of them with baby Emily and Harry. This sent him over the edge. He had to move, he had to get out of here. It held too many memories and he couldn't do this anymore.

Moving hadn't been hard. He had brought himself a little home in the middle of nowhere, far away from anyone and had only brought with him the essentials and stuff that meant a lot to him. Packing away the photos had been the hardest thing to do; after all they were all memories that now hurt like hell. Not many photos went up in his new home. Only the ones that he knew wouldn't trigger him too much. Now he would have to carry on, on his own without anyone. It was going to be hard, yes he knew that but he also knew that he would be able to do it. He always had Kat and Emmy to go back to if he needed too. He always had someone in the world even if they weren't with him at that moment.

As he lay back in bed that night his mind whizzed around everything and anything. He thought about his school days, his days with Cassie and his days with Emily. He thought about when Emily was born and when Cassie had said yes to his proposal. He did still love her, he always had and he knew even if he found someone else that he would always love her in the future. Nothing was going to change that, not ever.

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><p><strong>Hope you liked it, tell me if you diddidn't :) **


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